"let me hold you for the last time,

it's the last chance to feel again,
but you broke me now i can't feel anything...
when i love you,
it's so untrue,
i can't even convince myself,
when i'm speaking,
it's the voice of someone else."
james morrison - broken strings

i've been listening to airport by the spinto band since sunday, when lisa sent it me (thanksthankss!!!) on repeat, to and from school and then again later on when i'm sat messing on the computer. i can't stop listening to it at all, it makes me excited and sad all at once! the thought of seeing the spinto band again in less than a month makes me like o.o It's not sunk in properly yet, i'm so freakin' excited!

hmmm. i've been writing this blog for abotu 30 minutes now, i stopped whilst i was looking at photos...so back to this blog anyway.

i've just been reading some postsecrets that are on flickr. funnily enough a lot link to people not being able to say what they want to someone and always regretting it. or doing something wrong and wishing they could go back. it's sad how we can't be honest to the people that mean most to us when we really need to be. but then i guess that's what some people do to you, make it hard for you too tell them how you feel honestly. it does make me wonder though, as you get older does it become easier for you to be more honest? or is it easier to hide things from people or lie to people? and as for doing things wrong and wishing you could go back, i think we're meant to have times like that because if your in the same situation again, you know this time that you'll regret it in the future, we need to learn more from our mistakes instead of just regretting them and wondering what it'd be like if you hadn't done/said that...(i do that all the time but i think now i'm learning from it, finally)

I think i've blabbered on enough for tonight. i feel sorry for anyone that reads my blogs, sometimes i just have to rant on here because if not it'll all be floating round my head for a while and it'll mean more day dreaming for me. i can't wait for it to be light again for longer.

i hope everyones good and that your all taking care of yourselves!

love, victoria

it will all make sense

so i decided to start a blog up of my own. i've decided it will be like the scrapbook of my days, it'll be nice to have somewhere to write about whatever i want, quote lyrics, post photos and stuff, yeah. i'm always afraid of forgetting things that have happened so if i blog them once they've happened, i can read over them and remember things that i will eventually forget at some point no doubt...

it's strange really...i was thinking the other day, if you want to live until your about 80, as soon as you hit 20, that's 1/4 of your life, gone. and what do you have to show for it? regrets? i remember reading somewhere, "don't regret what you do, regret what you don't" and i truly think that's right. lifes about living, making friends, losing friends, falling in love, falling out of love, making mistakes, having good times, having bad times, laughing, doing things wrong, having problems, solving problems, not understanding, making an impression, going over and over memories of certain days/times...and so much more.

i wish i could remember this more as it'd probably stop me feeling so weird at times. sometimes, i hate the fact i get into books so much and end up wishing i was one of the characters, but then i don't at times, i like dreaming about stuff that might never happen to me, i like being able to think over little things to myself, even if it does involve being strange enough to wish i was a book character. sometimes i feel like i don't know what direction my life is going in, and sometimes it bothers me, in a way i'd like to know what lifes gonna throw at me, but i also like suprises, things i don't expect happening.

i'm not really sure what else i can say really, but i think i'll update this pretty much every day this time, because like i said up there, i'm afraid of forgetting the little things and stuff like that.

- love victoria XX

P.s i'm doing a selfportrait a day for a year, so i'll post my picture from that day at the end of every blog, up until i finish, and probably post a lot of other pictures too!! (i'm on day 61 by the way.)