"let me hold you for the last time,

it's the last chance to feel again,
but you broke me now i can't feel anything...
when i love you,
it's so untrue,
i can't even convince myself,
when i'm speaking,
it's the voice of someone else."
james morrison - broken strings

i've been listening to airport by the spinto band since sunday, when lisa sent it me (thanksthankss!!!) on repeat, to and from school and then again later on when i'm sat messing on the computer. i can't stop listening to it at all, it makes me excited and sad all at once! the thought of seeing the spinto band again in less than a month makes me like o.o It's not sunk in properly yet, i'm so freakin' excited!

hmmm. i've been writing this blog for abotu 30 minutes now, i stopped whilst i was looking at photos...so back to this blog anyway.

i've just been reading some postsecrets that are on flickr. funnily enough a lot link to people not being able to say what they want to someone and always regretting it. or doing something wrong and wishing they could go back. it's sad how we can't be honest to the people that mean most to us when we really need to be. but then i guess that's what some people do to you, make it hard for you too tell them how you feel honestly. it does make me wonder though, as you get older does it become easier for you to be more honest? or is it easier to hide things from people or lie to people? and as for doing things wrong and wishing you could go back, i think we're meant to have times like that because if your in the same situation again, you know this time that you'll regret it in the future, we need to learn more from our mistakes instead of just regretting them and wondering what it'd be like if you hadn't done/said that...(i do that all the time but i think now i'm learning from it, finally)

I think i've blabbered on enough for tonight. i feel sorry for anyone that reads my blogs, sometimes i just have to rant on here because if not it'll all be floating round my head for a while and it'll mean more day dreaming for me. i can't wait for it to be light again for longer.

i hope everyones good and that your all taking care of yourselves!

love, victoria

"i tried to do handstands for you,

i tried to do handstands for you,
everytime i fell on you,
yeah everytime i fell,
i tried to do handstands for you,
but everytime i fell for you,
i'm permanently black and blue,
permanently blue for you"
chairlift - bruises

still feeling gooooooooooooooooood
but very sleepy.
i'm going to go too bed soon so i'm not going to update properly, i will tomorrow though.

lots of love, victoria XXXX

"so many destination faces going to so many places,

where the weather is much better,
and the food is so much cheaper.
well i help her with her baggage for her baggage is so heavy,
i hear the plane is ready by the gateway to take my love away.
and i can't believe that she really wants to leave me and it's getting me so,
it getting me so..."
the spinto band - airport (cover, click to listen, i've had it on repeat :D)

i feel good today. i had 2 nice phone calls which is always a bonus.
i'm so sleepy, i'm not sure how i'm going to get up tomorrow. hmmmm. i did a cinderella jigsaw before, it was really cool, i want to do some more. anyone got some jigsaws they can lend me? i forgot how much i liked them lol. i even got to see some stars earlier. i love stars.

i'm so excited for this year. (it's took me 25 days to realise that this year could be amazing if i do certain things)

hearts an fly is going to get somewhere, we're going to take over the world. (well maybe not but the schofield sisters will take over the world at some point and in some way!)
the leftover sessions - we will definately take over some part of the music related world. we have interviews coming up with quite a few people which excites me a hell of a lot. seriously.
projects - i'm going to plan ahead for my photos and stuff. i'm not happy with how there turning out so the only way to make sure i am is by planning.
i need to make a timetable to follow, if not i just do nothing. i refuse to do nothing, i have to many ideas to do nothing.


i am feeling great. (I wont be saying that tomorrow morning.)

love, victoria. xxxxxxxxx



p.s dear world, i am in love with you. lots of love, me.

"i know you were not new,

it looked like may in june,
all the same i miss you,
today has been okay,
today has been okay."
emiliana torrini - today has been okay

todays photo.



looks better bigger!

that top i have on was my mums boyfriends...he got given it like 5 years ago and when she was cleaning out their wardrobe she found it and gave it me...it's really big...extremely big.

hope everyones good, i'll update properly tomorrow! xx

"the world was on fire

no one could save me but you.
strange what desire will make foolish people do,
i never dreamed that i'd meet somebody like you,
and i never dreamed that i'd lose somebody like you."
giant drag - wicked game (click to listen to the cover)

ow. let's just say my tooth is killing. i've never had a filling before, so i didn't know what to expect, so me and rach (my little sister) went in and she numbed rachs mouth first. next it was my turn, i didn't know she was going to so when i saw the needle i was thinking, right okay fair enough, don't mind needles, i was just praying my mouth didn't go all dodgey on one side/that i'd be able to talk normally because of getting on the bus haha. so yeah she did that and then rach was back in the seat and i was watching. took about 10 minutes, or atleast it felt like that, for her to do rachs then it was my turn, it didn't hurt at all, however i didn't appreciate the woman with the suction thingy nearly sucking up my cheek. that was a strange feeling. but yeah it was done and i thought, this isn't actually bad, nothing to be bothered about, got home and 2 hours later the numbing stuff had worn off. :l pain set in. it's been hurting for atleast 3-4 hours now. it was hard to stay calm for rach when i was so nervous, but i managed and she didn't shed a tear this time :]

meh. oh well. :[!

i hope everyone is good and that their teeth are all in good shape, if not, i feel for you.

-victoria XX

"I've hardly been outside my room in days,

'Cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,
And it was then I realised the conscience never fades.
When you're young you have this image of your life,
That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.
And you make boundaries you'd never dream to cross,
And if you happen to, you wake completely lost."
missy higgins - the special two

strange. i have the dentist today. i'm quite scared for a change, i usually love it, but now i have a new dentist and i have to have my first ever filling. she said it was only a little one but i'm nervous. urgh. it's worse because it'll just be me and my younger sister, although she's 11, she hates the dentist and she ended up having some sort of crying thing last time, so i'm worried that's going to happen again. ahrjhgjfsd!! :(

i wish i was one of those people that had a way with words, the people that can write anything and the people that write books that you can't put down and wish you were a character in, or the people that write beautiful lyrics that you can relate too when you feel in a certain way. i mean, i do write the odd little poem, lyrics and so on but nothing that would impress people. i've never been a person that people are drawn to because of a certain thing about them. i'll just keep dreaming :D

i had a real weird dream last night, i can't even remember it properly now because my head is feeling heavy and hurting. atleast i have a cuppa tea. i think i'll go and make some toast in a minute and try thinking of stuff to take my mind off the dentist. hmmm. i hope everyones good and all, and yeah, i'll blog later after i've been through to the dentist :(

love, victoria XX

"we're not the same, dear, as we used to be

the seasons have changed and so have we,
there was little we cold say and even less that we could do,
to stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you

we buried our love in the wintery grave,
a lump in the snow was all that remained,
but we stayed by its side, as the days turned to weeks,
and the ice kept getting thinnner with every word that we'd speak

when the spring arrived, we were taken by suprise,
when the flows under our feet bled into the sea,
and nothing was left for you and me

we're not the same dear and it seems to me,
there's no where we can go with nothing underneath,
then it saddens me to say what we both knew was true,
the ice was getting thinner under me and you...

the ice was getting thinner under me and you."
death cab for cutie - the ice is getting thinner

i love that song.

f a i l.

today i got my mock results. lol. oh god. they were SO bad, but i'm hoping that will give me the kick up the ass i needed to get my ass into gear and revising and all. i hate asking for help in lessons but now i am going to because if not i'll just do shit.
you may aswell know my shitty results haha...

maths - E (my bad)
music - D
modern history - D
english - C
french - C
catering - C
i think thats it, i didn't get a science one it was that bad haha. my bad. :(


oh well now i'm more determined.

i'm sure i've scrubbed some skin off trying to get that face paint off lol. it hurt! my skin is still stinging now. damn. oh well :]

-victoria (i'll blog properly tomorrow, i'm hooked on hana yori dango, for the second time!)



here's another version of me looking very oriental.

ALSO! do me a favour? Check my friend out, he's new to flickr but he is an amazing artist so go look at his stuff. seriously it's amazing and unique. (And believe me, when i say unique, i mean it.) or his blog

"sometimes i feel so down and out

like emotion thats been captured in a maze,
i had my ups and downs trials and tribulations,
i overcome it day by day,
feeling good and almost powerful
a new me, thats what i'm looking for."
sugababes - stronger

i didn't get a chance to update yesterday due to extreme tiredness after i got back, so i'll blog about yesterday now!

16/01/2009

so i got back a science result for my gcse, we had to do 6 exams throughout year 10 and a piece of coursework, so i managed to get a C overall. so that's now 1 gcse done which is cool. i hate science though...I also got my maths re-sits back, i had 2 C's and i've gone up to a B on one...i'm happy with that, a bit annoyed with that c staying though, it obviously doesn't wat to leave, however it does mean i can "1 2 3, it's easy as a b c" and all that. or i can even be witty and msn like and say "cba", Hilarious, i know.

So after that me and charlotte went to my dad and francescas for the chicken curry night, so when we got there we had a drink of tea told them about interviews we have coming up with bands and then we left it cooking and went and watched a film called "shrooms" It was crap. It wasn't actually a good film anyway but it made me jump, it was quite creepy! The twist was sick too ahaha. Oh well. So yeah after that we watched some flight of the conchords and then the chicken curry was done...it was around 11 at this point i think...it was so so so so good though, it was worth the wait, amazingly nice curry. so whilst we were eating we decided to watch celeb big brother, me and charlotte don't really watch it but we were hoping that liberty x bitch would be voted out. She wasn't. Gutted.

That's about it for yesterday, it was nice and all :] i really enjoyed it a lot and we're doing a mexican night next time, wooo! exciting stuff :D so now onto todays post...

so me and sheridan went into town to do some photos for our portfolios...it didn't really happen, we met with coxy so he could be in a couple of photos and then we were meant to do some more but well, that didn't happen. We went into the craft centre, coxy hadn't been in before so we though it'd be cool, we ended up talking to a guy, kyle, it was really weird but cool. So he ended up coming to the art cafe (aka nexus) and having a drink with us and spending a couple of hours listening to us talk shit. turns out he's a second year at manchester uni doing photography so that's cool. it's always nice to find new people with the same hobby and all that jazz.

I wish i was confident enough to talk to people i didn't know! I hate how if i don't know someone a lot i can't talk a lot around them because i worry people will take it the wrong way because they don't understand i'm joking or being sarcastic...hmmm, oh well. my confidence is getting a little better as the weeks go by i think, well i hope anyway! i want to make more new friends and all. it's nice to meet aand talk to new people that are different in ways...yeah. cool.

i'm going to stop rambling on. i'm sleepy. but not. i really want to watch a film, i might go and watch one, hmmm...

hope your all alright!

-victoria XX

todays photo is poo.


and yesterdays is not worth posting. X

"oh, and when will your hand find itself in mine?

and though i don't know your real name,
your real age, or your shoe size,
i will leave this bedroom chair,
and this keyboard behind...
and i will love you in reality and dreams"
second lover - noah and the whale

i failed chemistry, it was hard. i can tell i have. but oh well. i can re-sit in june, even though i really don't want to. :(

i get maths re-sit results tomorrow! i'm excited but not, i hope they actually come tomorrow i'll be so annoyed if we have to wait longer. i want to know if i've done better or not...i hope i've done okay!

i'm going to have to watch hana yori dango (boys over flowers) again, i loved that, it's sad they didn't do a lot of episodes, but if they had it'd of been ruined i guess.

I don't really have much else to say to be honest, i'm pretty tired as per usual. oh well, curry night tomorrow, yay! :D

- victoria xxx

"i am running out of words to say to you,

wondering why im wastin' my time
thinking back and wondering why im such a fool
for loving you"
your biggest fan - nevershoutnever

i'm so glad we get to go home after the exam tomorrow afternoon. even if it's only 10 minutes, better than nothing. i've been revising chemistry for the last few hours but my internet is playing up which is annoying as it wont load sometimes :(

i'm still tired but i'm looking forward to friday as me and one of my sisters', charlotte and i are going to my dad and his girlfriends, frans, for a curry night :D and saturday i will be in manchester taking photos with sheridan for our portfolios. we're using each other as models in some pictures, mwuahaha. :D

i'm listening to miley cyrus - 7 things. i hate her but that song is so god damn catchy! me and my friend spent today in science writing stupid songs, haha, it was amazing, we are the next best thing, we're probably going to take over the world at some point i think!

i'm going to stop wittering on about nothing and go make a drink of tea and continue to revise, hope everyone is well and all!

love victoria xxx

"It's a beautiful day,

now i'll be ok now that youre not away
yesterday was a terrible day
and now that youre here i'm ok..."
that's so you - the rocket summer

i am sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy!!!
unbelievably sleepy. i nearly fell asleep in history today. i wish i had.

not really sure what to say today, i need to get revising chemistry and doing some more catering c/w as my teacher is going to help me tomorrow with it. finally.
hmmm, i best start doing both now or i'll be up late, AGAIN.
sorry for the crappy blog post, i hope everyones good!

and still needing help with choosing pictures for my portfolio. as i said before, comment on any you like and if you don't have flickr, just comment with the links on here :)
wwww.flickr.com/photos/ihatepigeons/

victoria XX

"this is the moment that you know,

That you told her that you loved her, but you don't
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me
Yeah, she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me"
tiny vessels - death cab for cutie

so today was actually pretty good, although i was on my way too school with sheridan and little sister rach and a boy in my form mentioned an exam today...i found out i had one of my science exams, biology, today, which is worth 25% of my final mark, and we were running late as usual, this meant i ended up speed walking the last 10 minutes, taking my coat off and putting my blazer on as i walked, as soon as i got to the cafe, i checked my seat number, put my bag and coat down and went straight in, my row had already gone in, urgh. i'm hoping i did better than the mock which was so, so hard, i got a G in that, ahaha! But i found this one easier wether that was just because i was writing random answers i don't know.

anyway, i had a nice day aside from that science exam and catering, that was a bit poo. infact i should be doing my catering now. :( damn. I best start to do more, she wants all my work in tomorrow and i've yet to complete it. i also need to revise my chemistry for thursday, when my next exam is. bleurgh.

oh my god, i went to see slumdog millionaire last night. it's A-MAZ-ING. seriously, go and see it, i loved it, nearly got a bit tearful at the end as my sisters eyes were watering, but i held it together ahaha. i really need some films to watch? so if anyone has any good ones, recommend them?

i also, can't stop listening to death cab for cutie, i know, i know, emo! but i don't care, the album is amazing. i love their lyrics ¬.¬

so i'm going to start doing more catering work now, i don't want the 30 minute she's given me for tomorrow.

however, if you could do me a favour, i have to put together a portfolio for my college interviews, so could you go on my flickr, and leave a comment on photos you think i should put in it. if you don't have a flickr, just link me in a comment on here! :] (click for my flickr)

victoria x

it will all make sense

so i decided to start a blog up of my own. i've decided it will be like the scrapbook of my days, it'll be nice to have somewhere to write about whatever i want, quote lyrics, post photos and stuff, yeah. i'm always afraid of forgetting things that have happened so if i blog them once they've happened, i can read over them and remember things that i will eventually forget at some point no doubt...

it's strange really...i was thinking the other day, if you want to live until your about 80, as soon as you hit 20, that's 1/4 of your life, gone. and what do you have to show for it? regrets? i remember reading somewhere, "don't regret what you do, regret what you don't" and i truly think that's right. lifes about living, making friends, losing friends, falling in love, falling out of love, making mistakes, having good times, having bad times, laughing, doing things wrong, having problems, solving problems, not understanding, making an impression, going over and over memories of certain days/times...and so much more.

i wish i could remember this more as it'd probably stop me feeling so weird at times. sometimes, i hate the fact i get into books so much and end up wishing i was one of the characters, but then i don't at times, i like dreaming about stuff that might never happen to me, i like being able to think over little things to myself, even if it does involve being strange enough to wish i was a book character. sometimes i feel like i don't know what direction my life is going in, and sometimes it bothers me, in a way i'd like to know what lifes gonna throw at me, but i also like suprises, things i don't expect happening.

i'm not really sure what else i can say really, but i think i'll update this pretty much every day this time, because like i said up there, i'm afraid of forgetting the little things and stuff like that.

- love victoria XX

P.s i'm doing a selfportrait a day for a year, so i'll post my picture from that day at the end of every blog, up until i finish, and probably post a lot of other pictures too!! (i'm on day 61 by the way.)